I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
