so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
