I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
