Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
