I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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