I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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