Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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