Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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