you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
soo... how was my night?
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