that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
