she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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