She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
