how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
