you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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