i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
