Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
