dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
