I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
