First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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