Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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