I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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