Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
