i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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