mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
