I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
