It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
where are my eyebrows?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
