Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
