apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
