so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
