He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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