I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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