Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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