we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
