I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
