Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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