So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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