I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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