There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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