you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
