I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
