If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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