Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
