but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
