Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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