Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
