Duck Duck Cougar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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