I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
