I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
