dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
