he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
