i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
