well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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