I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
