If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
